What to do when a good friend doesn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid


How to cope when you aren’t one of the chosen ones

When a close girlfriend gets engaged, shortly after the celebration kicks off, the wonder starts to creep in. Will she ask me to be a bridesmaid? And the suspense builds. Sometimes it’s followed by a cute gift and a big question. Sometimes, only crickets: You aren’t one of the chosen ones. While being a bridesmaid is hard work, it is also an enormous honor, so when you’re not asked to be a bridesmaid for a good friend, it can sting a little bit. However, instead of sitting in a corner cursing your former friend, when a good friend doesn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid, it is a great time to show grace and poise to look like a shining star. Here are a few of our tips to deal with the sticky situation.

When a good friend doesn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid

1. Cry first. Deal after: Let it out, sista. We know it hurts. We’ve been there. Get the ugly cry out of your system when you’re alone and then, after 10 minutes of sulking, it’s time to come back to reality and think about how much fun you are going to have at the party. With over 2 million weddings each year in the U.S., we can guess this little bridesmaid snafu happens all the time. If all the would-be bridesmaids can deal, so can you!

2. Support the bride, no matter what: If the bride-t0-be truly is a good friend, it’s in your best interest to respect her wishes. Try to put yourself in her shoes. Planning a wedding isn’t easy and picking bridesmaids from a large pool of close friends is even tougher. Offer to buy her coffee and sit down to talk wedding plans and be her sounding board. Be understanding and sympathetic, knowing that your friendship will withstand her wedding.

3. Offer your assistance: Even though you’re not in the wedding, it’s not a bad idea to offer your assistance to the bride. Whether it’s providing her with a playlist of fun dance songs or simply lending your ear over a telephone, it’s important to make sure the bride knows that even though you’re not standing up in her wedding, you’re still standing by her side. And you never know, all your support may not go unnoticed and the bride may offer you another job within the wedding, such as reading a poem at the ceremony or giving a speech at the rehearsal dinner.

4. No trash talking: Chances are, you’re going to have friends within the bridal party. In the months leading up to the wedding, those friends are going to be talking all things bridesmaids in situations where you can’t exactly tune them out. It’s important to bite your tongue. Even if they’re venting to you about the price of the bridesmaid dress or the troubles planning a bachelorette party, keep your mouth shut, smile and offer sound words of wisdom. The worse thing for the bride would be to hear you’ve been trash talking her wedding. That, ladies, is a big no-no.

5. Enjoy the wedding: Let’s be honest. Being a bridesmaid is fantastic, but you know what’s more fantastic? The wedding! Gathering with all your favorite people while drinking cocktails, eating great food and dancing your face off is basically the epitome of a giant party. Sure, it may sting watching the ‘maids walk down the aisle, but that moment of bitterness is replaced with many moments of laughter, love and drunken conversations with the bride telling her how you would’ve been a better bridesmaid. Just kidding!

Enjoy it, non-bridesmaid…and just be glad you’re not stuck in the bathroom holding up the bride’s dress. #bridesmaidproblems.


Photo Courtesy of Cosmo


Photo Courtesy of Modern Wedding


Photo Courtesy of Bridal Musings


Photo Courtesy of Buzzfeed

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